Burned and scarred

WARNING: This post contains sensitive content which some people may find offensive or disturbing.

Many of us assume that pay and other rewards are all that we can expect to receive from our work. There is less emphasis on less-tangible but equally important benefits like trust, respect, civility, and the opportunity to make a positive change. This view of our work encourages behavior and attitude that lead to employees’ burn out. Thus, contributing to a workplace culture that harms people’s well-being and sense of self.

Over the past years, I’ve struggled with the unprecedented consequences of psychological harassment (also known as bullying). Truth be told, I may not be the only one experiencing this. There are many who might have been blinded to see this kind of harassment as simply ‘part of the job’ or an act of ’keeping the organization intact’. Many of whom would not even know that they, too, are victims.

Our culture and system both cultivated a workplace environment that is punitive, antagonistic, cynical, and perhaps self-serving. Some of you might agree that culture, much like a system, is one that is hard to break or change. It takes considerable effort and political will to accomplish this. However, it is my fervent prayer to see the day that workers get to enjoy working in a workplace that emphasizes the importance of openness, trust, transparency, respect, integrity, and accountability.

It has been months since I began thinking about my next big step. And, the recent burn accident that happened to me while on duty showered (figuratively) me with enough motivation to seek some enlightenment. For now, nothing is definite. But I am only sure of one thing: my conscience is clear. Nothing that I ever did or said intended harm to anyone. My views, opinions, and actions are all in accordance with my personal principles, the ethics of nursing, and the vision and mission of the organizations I am affiliated with.

It saddens me that my pure intention to help, no matter how it is expressed, is often dismissed with prejudice. These preconceived opinions, which I believe are not based on reason, have led to several instances of misunderstanding, manipulation, and most especially misinterpretation. The constant desire to prove one’s worth and sincere intentions has surprisingly taken a toll on me.

Today, I begin to seek ways on how to regain myself. I might be better off seeking fertile soil elsewhere to cultivate my skills and share the fruits I long to offer our society, rather than trying to build a garden in a barren desert. I wish to end the nights of loneliness and self-doubt. I pray that one day I will be able to regain or improve my confidence, well-being, self-worth, and sense of self. Tomorrow, we start the process by going back to the bedside and care for people who currently need us most.

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Disclaimer: Views and opinions in this post are my own. They do not reflect the official positions of the organizations I am currently affiliated with. If the shoe fits, wear it.

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